Spreading The Load
So... I came home from work tonight after working 12 hours and got the lawn mower out to cut the grass. The problem is, I first had to pick up a ton of sticks, rocks and toys. This annoys me a lot. It's the same way inside the house (minus the sticks and most of the rocks).
What's the deal!? Do I really have to come home and put in another 8 hours of work before I can enjoy my home? We have 4 other people living in this house that can cut the grass.
Let me back up a bit.
You all know that I have been working lots of hours for the last few years. I don't have a problem with that. It enables my wife to stay home and care for the kids full time. We have really been blessed in this area. It's unusual in this day and age for there to only be one breadwinner in a family that has both parents.
I have always felt that the trade off is that stuff gets taken care of at home. That is the contribution to keeping us afloat that my wife and kids make. You know what I mean... food prepared, house kept clean, etc. We have a large family and I have always stressed that the kids need to help with the big chores - laundry, dishes, etc.
This is where it gets me. Seems like I am always having to get on everyone to take care of what they are supposed to be doing. This makes my time at home less than enjoyable. The last thing I want to do is fight with everyone about chores.
So what's my point?
Lately, my wife and several of the kids have been asking for money. Repeatedly and frequently. I know they need cash to take care of expenses. I know they want to do things with their friends and youth groups. I'd love to be able pass the cash around more freely. I would too, except that I don't feel like they need to be having fun while I'm doing all the work.
So I had a talk with the three oldest and my wife. I let them know that I need them to take care of these chores and make our home more pleasant for me (and any guests we happen to invite in). I let them know that, while the chores don't pay, keeping everything up and neat will make me much more inclined to come up with the cash they want to have their fun. I hope they understand. I just feel like the load needs to be spread out a bit. Many hands make light work.
Comments?
What's the deal!? Do I really have to come home and put in another 8 hours of work before I can enjoy my home? We have 4 other people living in this house that can cut the grass.
Let me back up a bit.
You all know that I have been working lots of hours for the last few years. I don't have a problem with that. It enables my wife to stay home and care for the kids full time. We have really been blessed in this area. It's unusual in this day and age for there to only be one breadwinner in a family that has both parents.
I have always felt that the trade off is that stuff gets taken care of at home. That is the contribution to keeping us afloat that my wife and kids make. You know what I mean... food prepared, house kept clean, etc. We have a large family and I have always stressed that the kids need to help with the big chores - laundry, dishes, etc.
This is where it gets me. Seems like I am always having to get on everyone to take care of what they are supposed to be doing. This makes my time at home less than enjoyable. The last thing I want to do is fight with everyone about chores.
So what's my point?
Lately, my wife and several of the kids have been asking for money. Repeatedly and frequently. I know they need cash to take care of expenses. I know they want to do things with their friends and youth groups. I'd love to be able pass the cash around more freely. I would too, except that I don't feel like they need to be having fun while I'm doing all the work.
So I had a talk with the three oldest and my wife. I let them know that I need them to take care of these chores and make our home more pleasant for me (and any guests we happen to invite in). I let them know that, while the chores don't pay, keeping everything up and neat will make me much more inclined to come up with the cash they want to have their fun. I hope they understand. I just feel like the load needs to be spread out a bit. Many hands make light work.
Comments?
posted by Slicer at 6/11/2006 09:27:00 PM
6 Comments:
Ouch! (on a couple of levels)
(Comment made with love, Matt... ;-) )
I understand where you are coming from as far as wanting your home to be kept up and not wanting to get after everybody about chores or having to do things after a long day of work that others could have taken care of. As someone who is "housework challenged", there is one ouch there... lol.
Another ouch for me comes in reading that you seem to include your wife in with your kids, as far as having to come to you to ask for money, you controlling it, and your expectations. I guess that just pushes buttons for me, as I believe that marriage should be an equal partnership. (That's my belief -- even though my own marriage had many problems and eventually ended, and wasn't much of a partnership. I've learned much, though.) To me, when I read your words, it makes me feel defensive -- and it makes me wonder how your wife feels?
We are all different, and every marriage and famiy is different. And I totally respect that. Just sharing my own thoughts (feelings). Like I said, it pushes buttons for me, but that's just me and my own issues.
And I've never been able to quite grasp the whole "submitting" thing, anyway. :-P
Hopefully I haven't offended.
No offense taken, #9 :-)
Reading it again, I can see how it might be viewed the way you see it. Actually, my wife has a budget that she manages for household. It's mainly the kids that are wanting/needing additional funds. Although there have been requests from just about everyone...
Because of the size of our family and the need to stick to budget, I have to really watch expenses closely. I handle the majority of responsibility when it comes to paying bills. So I do look over my wife's shoulder to some degree, but she handles her responsibilities very well with minimal oversight.
I mentioned her in the same sentence with the kids more to indicate that she was part of the group (that was meeting) and solution rather than the problem.
I do tend to walk very heavily and sometimes step on toes and hurt feelings, so I really appreciate your comments and concerns and the way you voice them. All part of helping each other to become more like Christ. Thanks.
Glad you weren't offended. ;-)
Thanks for the clarification. :-)
Yeah..
I have to say that I tended to side with #9 and her comment, but I now understand sort of where you're coming from.
I don't usually say much regarding domestic matters, mainly b/c I don't know your family that well. All I could do is speculate and you know how wordy I tend to be :p.
It's good that you guys had a meeting. Definitely good to get that out in the air instead of hoarding it and harboring ill feelings. I'm the queen when it comes to the "where did that come from??" blowup ;-).
One thing your kids could do to generate some extra funds (aside from maybe doing some extra chores once they actually do the ones assigned to them!) is check into ebay. I'm sure there are some things around there they could put up for auction. I look around our place and I know there's stuff here that's not being used and only being pushed to the side b/c of the new stuff we acquire. Did your boys ever get the mowing service up and running?
Anyway, I hope that everyone got the message and is pitching in (especially "corn boy." He needs to keep those hands busy!! ;-)). I also hope that you all are finding time to hang out, too.
The boys didn't have the drive to get the business going this year. I'm sure they will be looking to the Fall for raking leaves and shovelling snow.
Sorry if I got you both a bit ruffled. That rant has been a long time coming. I really have felt that I was the only one doing the work. There have been a few changes, but I am waiting to see if it keeps up.
I had to let my comments ferment on this one for awhile. Thanks for the input September and Amy. I would have been waving the "Preach it AMEN bruddah" flag a little too heartily otherwise.
I am learning, though, why Marriage is considered a sacrement in Orthodoxy. It is called the "Green Martyrdom" - meaning that it is likened to dying on behalf of others, although you're not really dying.
Not to be viewed as a bad thing mind you - it is all the more opportunity to be like Christ.
Matt and Mrs Slicer: I have seen your household in action. You have built a fine home together for your kids. God grant you many years.
Post a Comment
<< Home